Heres The Deal...

So, due to the fact that my mother will be leaving for a few weeks, my next couple posts for the next few weeks will be presented to you through our letters to each other. I'll write to her, and she'll write back. Heres an example:

Dear Mother, 
I miss you very much and I can't wait to see you when you return home.


Lovingly, 
Jasper


Dear My Lovely Jasper, 
I miss you also! I can't wait to see you either, hence the fact that I am having a glorious 
time here in Alaska. 
I saw a lion today. It reminded me of you're wonderfully cunning skills. 


Love, 
Mother


Of course, the letters will be much longer, and much more interesting than that! My mother will actually write them, unlike the example I showed you-which I wrote all by myself. I hope you thoroughly enjoy our letters to each other and look forward to my next post, possibly on Saturday or even as late as next Tuesday.

I will apologize for the long break during the weekend, but I will be enjoying myself at home alone to blog.

(My family is going to stay the night friday and saturday in the next town over with my Great- Grandmother)

I hope you have a fun weekend also!

Sincerely, 
Jasper

(fake) *Sigh*

Today, I found out that my mother was leaving on march 5th. She will be gone for three weeks. I am pretending I don't care... but I truly do. Who is going to  brush my hair constantly? Who will clean my litter box the way I like? Who will feed me the absolute perfect amount. Who will choose the right food? (I am on a VERY specific diet.) I love her for very many reasons, and let us not ponder on the depressing subject of departure.

Photo Credit: Grandma

 Well, at least I have my good friend. Sid.

My apologies for the shortness of this post.....

~ Jasper

Terrible Days, Birthdays, and Dust Bunnies...

Goodness, gracious! Today has been terrible already! My mother fed me breakfast three minutes late (again!),  the dog stepped on me twice, licked me once and kicked me probably around four times. Everyone is crowding around their father because its 'his birthday'- no one ever celebrates for my birthday! Their father got a cake and presents and unlimited attention for twenty-four hours! Ooh People make me mad. So when they were all gathered in the living room, my mother and my aunt tried to call me over so they could pet me. I simply ignored them, and looked out the window.

 For the rest of the day, I was ignored while all of the four children (one of them my mother) made a 'birthday video' for their father. Absolutely ignored me! And what is worse, is that my dear Uncle is leaving tomorrow, Along with his father. I will be mourning the loss of attention for the week that the two are gone. I will dress in black (which I already am- how convenient!) and gaze out the window dramatically. Oh, poor me...

 On a happy note, last night, I was able to prowl the house earlier than I usually do because the family decided to stare at that strange device they call a 'T.V'. I caught several vicious dust bunnies and created a few. My grandmother despises them. My mother picks them up. My uncle doesn't care- along with the small ones. My grandfather despises them also- and I make them.



Good day and good bye! Have a wondrous weekend!
~Jasper

Supercalafragalisticexpialadocious

I really have nothing more to say beside that.
Supercalafragalisticexpialadocious.

Just Fabulous!!

My buddy and I are celebrating Mardi Gras today! I thought you just might like to see our fabulous beads!


Don't we look just wonderful!!
I love Mardi Gras for several reasons... The fact that I get to wear my fabulous beads And the fact that the whole family goes to parades, and leaves me in the house for some peace and quiet to regain my sanity, and the parties of people who come over and give me loads of extra attention- There are so many things I love about Mardi Gras.

 Yesterday, the eldest child came home from his school which he stays at most of the time, he will be home for a week. This gives me a week of slightly less torture from the smaller children. You know, I absolutely adore the eldest child, he has the top bunk of the bunk bed and no one is aloud to play in there or make forts in there- so that gives me my own little sanctuary. I love my dear uncle so very much, that I have decided to write a poem about him....

My dear uncle,
You are much like me.
You eat and you read,
And you sleep until three (p.m)


You save my from the small ones,
And pet me for hours, 
I really love you tons, 
I would like to give you flowers. 


Man, I could make some money of my poetry skills couldn't I?

Things..

My mother finished her first book yesterday. She jumped in the air a hooted the words
"ITS FINISHED! I FINISHED MY BOOK!" And my question to her was "What's the big deal?".
Its a whole bunch of marks on a page. Some call it a beautiful work of art. I think the first one was, but these days, their all the same. All black marks on the page with the occasional picture. Strange- the things that humans excite over.
 Yesterday, one of my worst nightmares came true. IT RAINED. At least it didn't rain cats and dogs. Actually, I've never seen that happen before. If it did, I'd feel terribly bad for the cats.

I really have nothing to say about today- oh, beside the fact that I love company!! They give me much more special attention...

Q & A

Today, my mother gave me breakfast three minutes late!!!!!!! I just can't believe her laziness sometimes. So, when she finally put it in my bowl, THREE MINUTES LATE, I proceeded to stare deep into her eyes- which really creeps her out. She gave up on coaxing me into eating breakfast and left, throwing her hands up in the air... then.... I ate breakfast. Goodness gracious... I will never fully understand humans. Why do they leave their feces in those terrifying, loud things they call toilets? Why do they insist on turning the music up so loud? Why do they all make high-pitched squeals when their excited, scared, and mad (especially the five year old)? Who can tell the difference between each squeal?
 Let us decipher the meanings of these things....

Q: Why do they squeal when they are excited, mad or scared?


A: Most likely, they have a grandfather pig way back in the family.  




Q: Why is it they use toilets?


A: I have not the earthly, Mercury, Venusly, Moonly, Marsly, Jupiterly, Saturnly, Uranusly, Neptunely, OR Plutoly, idea.




Q:Why do they insist on turning the music up so loud?


A: Very obviously, they are all half deaf. 




Q: Why do they drink that brown, strong drink that makes them hyper? 


A: They are lazy.

Will you be mine?

Roses are red, 
Violets re blue, 
Sugar is sweet, 
And so are you. 

Happy Valentines day! Who will be your valentine?
For, I have easily chosen mine!
Hey! I made a rhyme!
I know I do from time to time-
But again! I did it again!
This is getting annoying my friend.
At least that one, didn't rhyme as much as the rest,
If this is the last rhyme... that would be best.

PHEW! That was impressive! Even though it was getting on my nerves. What are you doing for valentines day? I just pretended to care this morning by giving everyone a little extra love....




<3

My goodness...

My goodness... the fuss I cause when I sit on somebody's lap. Why is it such a big deal that I usually don't sit on people's lap, and then I do? Why can't humans just accept the fact that that time, I chose to sit on my mothers lap?  I mean really?!
 My mother was reading her book late at night, and I wanted to begin my hunt, which is a sport that mothers can not be involved. I also wanted to make the dog jealous... But that doesn't matter.
Anyway, I simply sat on her lap. What's the big deal?
"That's so out of character for him!" my grandmother had said... really? It is? She should know that I had important plans that night, and my mother ruined them. She should know I am very hunting-oriented and active at night. Everyone should know that. What cat isn't?! Well, with the exception of Garfield.

But we're not talking about Garfield... we're talking about ME!

I have nothing more to say, beside the fact that I apologize for the smallness of this post.

~ Jasper

Ode to Boxes

All cats like boxes! Right?

Ode to boxes

Box, oh box, 

You're better than an ox. 

You're more fun than the yarn, 

Or the socks my grandmother doth darn. 

Weather you are big or small, 

That doesn't matter at all. 

Weather your cardboard or paper, 

Well, we'll discuss that matter later. 

My box, oh my box, 

You are sharper than a fox.

Though you have no brain, 

At times, to me, you pain. 

My box, Oh my box, I adore you.

I have tried my Haiku skills. 

My delicious yarn...

I do eat you hungrily...

Now I am very happy...

Though, that is not very good... lets try a normal poem....

You know my name is Jasper, 

I very much like to play,

Though I look like a sissy, 

The local bugs I shall slay.

I prowl through my residence, 

Which happens to be my house,

I hope that someday I find inside it,

The residence of a mouse. 

I'll toy with it and bat at it, 

I'll be all brave, and mighty,

I will stand my ground, 

But that poor mouse will be flighty. 

Can anyone write a poem about me? A wonderfully flattering one? If so, write it in the comment section!

Toilets...

What is the deal with toilets? Let me name a few reasons why!

1. They are obnoxiously loud
2. THEY ARE SCARY
3. They have water inside of them
4. They are too shiny
5. improper- after you dump your waste in it, why would you want to let the whole world know you just did it?
6. Litter boxes are better.
7. Unlike the litter box, You can't stand in it. 
8. Because I like to have a whole room of toilet. 
9. You can't choose 'where to go'
10. I just don't like them. 

I mean really!?

No one wants to have this look on their face!

Do you see the look on that cats face? The poor thing is absolutely horrified! Oh, just the sight of a toilet sends shivers down my spine. I Pity all cats who don't have a litter box and are forced to go on the toilet. Let us have a moment of silence..... For those cats.......

{Photo Credit: JoyceKK


~ Jasper

I have been thinking....

I have been thinking... about untrue sayings about cats. And their stereotype.  
Some say that cats don't care! But I care! -That is, if there is food involved.... or petting...
And though some sayings are true... 


"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." - Unknown


Some aren't, like this one!


"A cat is a lion in a jungle of small bushes." - Indian Saying
Wait... That one is true... 


But this one is absolutely, positively FALSE!" 
 

{Photo Credit: AKinsey}
"Cat got your tongue" ("Although that is a cute picture!"~ Mother says)




I mean how often does a cat get your tongue??? 
How often? Has it ever happened to you? And please, if it has happened, contact me by Email and I will publicly (on my blog) admit that I was wrong. 


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